He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
