But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
