I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
