I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
