Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
