i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
