The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
