you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
