the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
