is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
