why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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