You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
