dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I stole a fireplace last night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
