garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
