hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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