I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
