Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
