Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
