so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
