and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
