It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
