dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
