out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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