im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
