I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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