thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is Oprah even human
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
