Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
