I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
