if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His nipple licking is glorious
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