Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
