I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
