If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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