While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Found the puke drawer
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
