I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
