Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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