Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
