thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
