singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
