$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
