i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
