Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
nutella sex= disaster
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
