I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
