Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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