he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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