thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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