something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
