He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
