the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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