She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
