Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
