my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
