Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
