Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
