i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
