i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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