can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
