On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
