alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
