i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
