i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
