i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
